Life at The Village MCC in Brighton can be exciting, but it has nothing on our little flat in Kemptown. Last night the toilet exploded. Seriously. 1 am, I’m having some difficulty sleeping when I hear a mighty bang and the sound of an avalanche of water. I thought that a mains pipe had exploded in the ceiling, and at any moment we’d be deluged in water. But the avalanche of water continued and there was no sign of anything untoward. I thought I’d check the bathroom.
The toilet had exploded. Or rather something in the cistern had blown apart, a jet of water lifting the cover up a couple of inches. It remained precariously held in place by the flush mechanism, hovering and shaking. Obviously I needed to find out what had happened.
The button on the top was lightly screwed on so it only took a couple of turns to release it. Only then did the water sprite that lived in the loo spring free. A jet of water leaped three or four feet into the air. It made the fountains at the Belagio in Las Vegas look tame – at least standing there in my jim jams at 1am it certainly looked impressive. Only there was no lake for this fountain to fall back into, just the bathroom floor.
I tried to work out what had come off, or loose, or broken, but all I did was redirect the water spout to different paths across the bathroom. It was like trying to control an angry anaconda. Half asleep my hunny said from the bed “are you ok in there?” “No”, I said “Get me a screwdriver”.
He’s quite amazing, my man. Not only did he get a screwdriver super quick, but he got the right kind. I managed to get the water turned off at the screw tap by the loo and then went about mopping up the water on the floor with the bath towel, wringing it out over the loo.
I was half asleep. I was cold, I was wet. I got back into bed and immediately fell asleep thinking to myself that Last night the toilet exploded was a great title for a blog!
Truth is that life isn’t lived in a straight line. (No pun intended). It’s a windy path and at any moment the unexpected can happen. And sometimes it does. I never really thought that I’d be able to refer to an exploding water closet, but here we are!
God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, are not insurance policies against disasters. Neither am I, or the church. Toilets explode – believe it or not. And worse. Much worse. But as a community we are better situated to handle the unexpected when we do so together. Loss is mitigated when we have someone by our side. Just being able to share our stories without judgment is a big deal.
Not much of a lesson here really, nothing beyond the obvious. I just really wanted to tell you that last night the toilet exploded. Really.
Have a blessed week.